Decoding Learning Differences with Kimberlynn Lavelle

Work Completion is NOT the Goal!

“When you finish that math worksheet, you have the reading comprehension one from yesterday to finish.”

 

Does that sound reasonable?

 

To most of us, it does.  We have likely heard and maybe said something very similar ourselves.

 

In a society focused on how “productive” a person is, we expect kids to finish worksheets like it is their job.

 

We even talk about school being a child’s job, and some parents pay kids for how well they do at their job! (Please see the episode “Motivation Killers” on why I don’t support this practice)

 

But learning is way more important than a job.  We can choose to quit a job, and we can choose to quit doing a “learning activity”, but the actual learning is happening.  Kids are constantly learning, especially when they are having fun and are interested in what they’re doing.

 

The more focused we are on a particular task being completed, the more likely it is that our child will find the task unpleasant and learn little from it.

 

Instead, ask yourself, “what is my goal in giving my child this task?”

 

Now, a worksheet to practice a particular math strategy is totally valid.  I recommend starting with hands-on learning first, and then worksheets can provide good practice and review.  

 

However, the goal of the worksheet is to allow for that practice, not to finish a worksheet.  And maybe completing two problems is sufficient practice.  Maybe two full pages is more appropriate.

 

And there are plenty of times that a worksheet is too easy and not helpful practice, or too difficult and getting the child to complete it leads to a child who has a finished worksheet that they have no idea how to do or what they were supposed to have learned from it.

 

I see this last one all the time.  The other day I was given an incomplete comprehension page that one of my students was supposed to finish with me because they didn’t do it in class.  I immediately could see that the worksheet was at a much higher reading level than this child’s ability, and was not on a topic the child was interested in.

 

I certainly could have gotten that worksheet finished with the child, but I have limited time with these kids and I want the time that I do have with them to be used wisely.  So, instead of doing the worksheet, we worked on what I had planned already- some reading and math activities that were at her level.

 

The next time you are about to ask your child to complete something, question yourself: what is the purpose of this activity?  At what point will it have fulfilled its function?  Is it an appropriate level for my child? And then make an appropriate plan with that information.

Phonics and Dyslexia

Phonics is all about the relationship between sounds and letters and using that letter-sound knowledge to read and spell words!

 

With a strong phonics knowledge, your child will be able to read and spell unfamiliar words.

 

But phonics can also be confusing!  In English, there are 44 sounds, 26 letters, and 75 basic phonograms (single or multi-letter representations of sounds).

 

And kids with dyslexia REALLY struggle with phonics!

 

If you show your child a nonsense word (like fisp), can they read it?  If you ask them to spell ‘plit’, how do they do?

 

If your child is struggling with phonics development, there are things we can do to help them!

 

First of all, there are Orton-Gillingham based programs that provide a strong phonemic awareness and phonics foundation.  

 

But you can also follow the same basic process at home, by following a few steps:

 

Step 1: Start by developing phonemic awareness!  Check out the episode on phonemic awareness for specific steps on how to do this part yourself!

 

Step 2: Be sure your child knows the letter and sound correspondences.  For most kids, this is just about plenty of exposure and practice.  It could be flashcards, but multi-sensory approaches typically work best.  

• Write letters in sand, build them with playdough, make whole body dance moves about letters and sounds!  
• Some kids with dyslexia need the mouth formation for each letter sound really demonstrated explicitly for them.

• Keep in mind that there are 75 basic phonograms and many of those 26 letters have multiple sounds

 

Step 3: Have your child put their letter-sound knowledge to use!  Reading is typically easier than spelling for most kids, so reading will develop faster.  Take each at their own pace!

Get progressively more complex (C = consonant sound; V = Vowel sound): 

• CVC
• VCC
• CCV
• CVCC
• CCVC
• CCVCC 

 

Step 4: Next come the multisyllabic words!  

• Take individual words that they can read and make compound words.  
• Then use prefixes and suffixes.  

Many multi-syllabic words are VERY phonetic, making them easy to read and spell once a child knows how to chunk them and use phonics skills!

 

Takeaway: Phonics is important, but can be difficult for those with dyslexia.  A systematic intervention is necessary (but it is also something that you can provide completely for free!)

 

If you suspect your child may have dyslexia, take the quiz “Is My Child Dyslexic?” here to find out how likely it is!  (This is not a diagnostic tool, but a simple pre-screener that you can use to help guide you!)

Motivation and Relationships

Stop with the sticker charts, cookies, threats, and bribes! Put down the gold star!  Don’t say, “if you ….” ever again!

 

There’s a better way! 

 

To be completely transparent, this better way is not likely to be faster… at first.

 

But as I talked about in the episode “Motivation Killers”, all of those bribes don’t work very well in the long term.  You have to keep upping your game, promising more and more.

 

However, there is something that doesn’t require any upping of the ante, or any tricks.  And it works to motivate your kiddo in the long-term.

 

Actually, there are SEVERAL somethings that work like that!

 

Today though, we are talking about RELATIONSHIPS!

 

The relationship between a parent and child can be very powerful in motivating a child to do something that we are asking them to do.  Or in motivating them to learn something specific.

 

When our children feel seen, loved, and respected, they are much more likely to be helpful.  And when they feel respected by us, it opens them up to be interested in what we are doing.

 

A strong relationship with your child can lead them to be interested in what we are interested in, or in feeling free to explore something that they are interested in!

 

When children feel that they are in conflict with us and that we are threatening their autonomy, they aren’t very likely to be cooperative (especially as they get older and need to express their autonomy!).  But when we have a mindset based around respect and being on their side in all challenges, they see us as someone who they can come to with difficulties, and maybe even someone with interesting ideas!

 

What are you doing to foster the relationship you have with your child?

Rhyme-less Rita

I want to tell you about Rita.

 

Rita was a student I worked with MANY years ago (more than I can believe!).  

 

I was a new teacher and knew almost nothing about dyslexia.  I had heard of it, but got no training on it in my credentialing classes to become a special education teacher (education specialist).  Can you believe that?!

 

Poor Rita.  She couldn’t rhyme, blend, or segment in kindergarten.  And I didn’t really know what to do about it except to practice MORE rhyming, blending, and segmenting.  For a few years, we kept at it, while also working on sight words and other reading skills.  

 

Rita was able to stay at grade-level in her reading but couldn’t rhyme, blend, or segment much at all.  (Despite all of the practice we had been doing!)

 

I’m a researcher by nature.  I love to read and research any topic I’m interested in, and especially ones around problems I’m trying to solve for myself, my family, or my students!

 

So I read and read and realized I needed to do something more fundamental than the rhyming, blending, and segmenting that I had been doing!

 

Eventually, we found success and Rita was able to segment and blend and read unknown words, although rhyming was never her strong suit!  She became a strong reader who could figure out some rhymes.

 

The first things that helped a little was just an overall increase in Rita’s exposure to rhyming.  We played rhyming games, practiced rhyming, books, poems, songs, videos.  This was the stuff I did early on that seemed to help some, but not nearly enough.

 

Eventually, I used a systematic phonemic awareness instruction.  It included a lot of specific segmenting and blending practice.  For more on how that works, check out the episode/blog on Phonemic Awareness and Dyslexia.

 

Takeaway:
Rhyming isn’t easy and isn’t automatic for some kids.  They need systematic interventions.

 

If you want to learn how to teach your own child with dyslexia, email me at Kimberlynn@DecodingLearningDifferences.com

 

Is My Child Dyslexic? An Interview with YOU!

In the quiz “Is My Child Dyslexic” there are ten questions.  Knowing the purpose of each of these questions can help you to best determine what your best next steps are.

 

And if you want to work with me directly, check out Word Warriors!

Phonemic Awareness and Dyslexia

Kids with dyslexia struggle with Phonemic Awareness.  But what does that mean?

 

Phonemic Awareness Skills

Kids who are strong in Phonemic Awareness are kids that are able to  segment, blend, delete, and rhyme!

 

Segmenting means taking a word and breaking into individual sounds. Example: you tell your kid, “Cat” and they are able to tell you: “/k/ /a/ /t/”.  This is all by sound!  No looking at words, using letter tiles, or writing anything down!

 

Blending means taking individual sounds and turning them into a smooth word.  Now you’re reversing the task for your kid.  You say something like “/k/ /a/ /t/” and they can say, “cat!”  Again, this is all by sound, not reading the letters for help.

 

Deleting means taking one sound out of a word.  You might ask your child, “Say ‘cat’ without saying /k/” and they have to be able to say: “at”.  (Again- no letters! No pictures, all just by sound.)

 

And rhyming, of course, is deleting the initial sound(s) and replacing it with (a) new initial sound(s). “What rhymes with cat?” “bat, fat, hat, rat, mat, sat, that, flat…”

 

Bonus- pig latin!  This is a manipulation of a word, removing the initial consonant sound(s) (if there are any), moving that sound to the end of the word, and adding “-ay” to the end of the word.  “Cat” becomes “atkay”.  “I can speak pig latin” becomes “Iay ankay eakspay igpay atinlay.”

 

Why it matters

Phonemic Awareness leads to the ability to read and spell unknown words.  This allows individuals to independently read increasingly complex texts and write about what they are spelling.

 

Some kids with dyslexia, or with insufficient phonemic awareness and phonics instruction, become great sight readers.  They memorize how to say a word very well and are able to progress with grade-level reading ability.  However, as words become increasingly complex, and as they are presented with less and less auditory input for what they are reading (fewer read alouds!), they are going to start to really struggle to know what they are reading.

 

Phonemic Awareness is hindered by dyslexia

Phonological Processing is necessary for Phonemic awareness and kids with dyslexia have a phonological processing deficit.  Therefore, phonemic awareness is unlikely to develop easily in a child with dyslexia. 

 

What do we do about it?

What can we do to support phonemic awareness development in those with dyslexia?

 

Developing phonemic awareness in a child with dyslexia is a worthwhile endeavor, allowing them to be more successful in their reading and spelling!  However, it isn’t easy.  It requires specific, structured, intentional instruction over many months, or even years.

 

One of the most strongly recommended types of programs for those with dyslexia is Orton-Gillingham based strategies.  These can get pricey.  They are well-developed and worth the cost for those who can afford it and want a specialized tutor or want a ready-made program. 

 

But you can also implement all of these strategies for free yourself!

 

Step 1: Start by dragging out a word until your child can hear each sound. Example: saying “Caaaaat!” while also moving your hand across their visual field (in front of them) to help them notice when one sound is changing into another.

Step 2: Next you want your child to be able to delete one of the sounds after they’ve said all of the sounds.

Step 3: Trade a sound: “Say ‘fip’. Say all of the sounds in ‘fip’. Say /d/ instead of /f/ Now what is the word? (dip)”

Step 4: Notice when and how a nonsense word changes

Step 5: Rhyming the words.

When they’ve mastered one level, repeat the above, getting progressively more complex (slowly!)  General progression (C= consonant sound; V= vowel):

CVC

VCC

CCV

CVCC

CCVC

CCVCC

 

If step 1 above does not work for your kid, try Step 0!

Step 0: break compound words into the component words. (pancake is made up of pan and cake!)

 

For some kids: even those start points are too difficult. They need to start by feeling the sound of a letter in their mouths.  You want them to feel what each sound feels like in their mouth. You want them to notice whether or not the voice box is on, what is happening with the tongue, teeth, and the lips.

 

Takeaway:

Phonemic Awareness is important, but is difficult for those with dyslexia.  A systematic intervention is necessary to truly meet the needs of those with dyslexia.

Motivation Killers

Each month on the Decoding Learning Differences podcast, I’ll be digging into motivation.  And to kick off the year, I’m starting with what NOT to do, so that we can spend the rest of the year diving into what TO DO!

 

This episode goes into three “Motivation Killers”: Punishments, Rewards, and Praise.  (Although praise is actually a type of reward).

 

Punishment

Now that corporal punishment (physical abuse/hitting) is very rare and illegal in most states, punishment is usually about taking something away from a child (called a negative punishment).  Punishments you may have seen in schools:

“You didn't do your work, you don't get to go out to recess.” 

“You didn't do well enough, you get an F.” 

“You get a zero.” 

“You have a missing notice that has to go home and get signed by your parents.” 

 

Now, that last one can also be a type of communication between parents and teachers and doesn’t need to be punitive.  It really depends on the teacher’s mindset.  Do they want to punish or just communicate?  Is the note given privately and with empathy or is the kid put on blast in front of the whole class?  Is the tone of voice kind or upset?

 

Similarly, at home we tend to not spank much anymore (there is a lot of evidence around the harm that spanking causes) but we will take things away (negative punishment):

“You didn’t do your homework, you don’t get to watch TV” (or ride your bike, or play on the tablet, etc)

 

All of these punishments send the message that you believe the child has willfully chosen to do the “wrong thing” or to not do well enough on an assignment, etc. All of these punishments create a power struggle between child and adult.  All of these punishments can cause kids to feel like they are bad or dumb.

 

Rewards

We can also flip some punishments to be rewards: “you don’t get to watch TV until you do your homework.”

 

Or we can use bribes, “If you read this page to me, you get an M&M!”

 

We’re letting kids know that doing the homework or reading is not worth doing unless they are being “paid” to do it.  “If you do A, I’ll give you B” let’s the child know that A is a bad thing and B is a good thing.  If they already like A, they quickly start to realize that they’re not supposed to.

 

If your kid loved eating broccoli, you could kill that love pretty quickly by telling them they only get ice cream if they eat their broccoli and then one day stop giving them ice cream.

 

Reading is a wonderful and pleasurable activity for people to engage in.  Writing, mathematics, athletic endeavors, and playing music are also.  If we start rewarding a child for engaging in any of these, we are sending the opposite message.  We are telling kids that they shouldn’t like these.  They should only like TV, tablets, candy, etc.

 

Because I never want my young children to lose their love of books and reading, I will never bribe or otherwise reward them for reading with me.  Reading is already intrinsically motivating and enjoyable.

 

Praise

Praise is a specific type of reward.  Saying, “good job” tells a child that they are being evaluated.  It lets the child know that there is a right and wrong way to do things and that they better be careful not to do the wrong thing.

 

This can kill creativity.  If a child comes up to you with their drawing and you say it’s a beautiful drawing, expect to see lots more just like it.  They’re less likely to risk drawing something different because you might not like it.  They’ll stick with the safe drawing.

 

If a child is working on writing, and you tell them, “great hook!” you are giving a specific praise, but you are still evaluating them and they’re likely to use the same type of hook in their next piece of writing. (A hook is the beginning of the writing that grabs a reader’s attention)

 

Keep in mind that many famous, award-winning authors were rejected by dozens of publishers before being picked up and then going on to become famous.  Those professionals didn’t think that book was good enough but now it’s being taught in classes on literature.  It doesn’t matter what those particular professionals thought of the book and it really doesn’t matter whether or not you like the hook.

 

It does matter whether or not your child is able to learn and grow from what they are doing.  It does matter how they feel about their writing.  So, ask them questions: 

“How do you feel about the hook?”

“What part do you feel you really nailed?”

“What are you going to work on improving next time?”

“Are you aware of the conventions around dialogue?  May I show you how we mark dialogue in a text?” OR “Do you know how most English writers show when characters are speaking to each other?  May I show you?”

 

You can guide and teach without your child feeling evaluated.

 

What to do instead

Motivation is tricky.  In Alfie Kohn’s book, Punished by Rewards, Kohn goes deep into why rewards are problematic.  And yet, he doesn’t offer much in the way of what to do instead.  And that’s because it’s rather complicated and there aren’t any easy and quick answers.

 

In the coming months, we’ll be going into various strategies that you can put into place that will motivate your child!  Be sure to subscribe so that you don’t miss any new episodes/posts!

De-Motivated Dennis

De-Motivated Dennis is a pseudonym for a particular student that I worked with for several years.  I wanted to share a bit about Dennis’s story because Dennis’s story is so similar to so many other stories of so many children who were once motivated and now “won’t do anything related to school work!”

 

When I first met Dennis, parents and teachers complained that he wouldn’t do anything.  They had tried rewards and punishments and things would work for a while, but then things would become worse than ever!

 

First things, first

My first recommendation for any De-Motivated Dennis that you may have in your life is to stop the request that they do school work.  In the case of Dennis, a public school student, this wasn’t able to happen until the summer.  But during that summer, parents let him do what he wanted.

 

That took the pressure off of Dennis for a while and allowed him to start to become interested in learning again.  Of course, it’s also a risk.  When kids take breaks for the summer, they are more likely to show significant regression after the summer break, which can cause things to be even harder for them and cause them to give up and refuse even more.

 

The Most Important Step

In last week’s episode with Vibha Arora, we dove into some strategies to implement when kids seem to be unmotivated.  One of the things that Vibha mentions is figuring out what is going on.  

 

For Dennis, I quickly recognized that his de-motivation was primarily due to feeling “dumb”.  Dennis, like all young kids, loved to learn when he was very young.  But repeated school failures as the result of a learning disability (dyslexia in his case), led him to label himself as “dumb” and to give up even trying to do well in school.  It was easier to be “bad” than to be “dumb” so he just refused to do any work. 

 

Now we’re getting somewhere!

So the next step was to address this feeling of inadequacy directly.  I had a frank conversation about how because Dennis’s brain is wired differently than most kids, he had some special gifts and he also struggles more with schoolwork, especially reading and spelling.  I let him know that we would try a new program together that was designed to help kids with his type of brain wiring.  

 

We agreed that if Dennis didn’t feel like he could try his best, that we would take a day off.  But I also explained that the more Dennis was able to focus, and be consistent in doing the program every day, the more progress he would see himself making and the faster that progress would happen.  

 

A few months later, Dennis could feel how much better he was at reading and spelling.  That really helped him get more motivated to keep working hard.  Soon he was going up a reading level every few months.  1.0 then 1.5 then 2.0 then 2.5.  He made over two years of reading growth in less than one year.

 

Takeaway

A lack of motivation can be caused by so many different factors.  Be sure to read or listen to next week’s episode about “Motivation Killers” to find out the biggest things to avoid when trying to get your kid motivated!  (You may be VERY surprised!)

 

But a lack of success can also be demotivating and helping a child find success can be very motivating!

 

If you’re interested in some coaching or guided tutoring (I will tutor your child for a short period of time while also teaching you how to keep it going), email me at Kimberlynn@DecodingLearningDifferences and we’ll get something set up!

Interview with Vibha Arora

You’re a parent of a struggling learner.  You are constantly worried that your child isn’t making enough progress, is struggling too much, and may ultimately wind up homeless in the gutter.

(Maybe your brain doesn’t go that far consciously, but on some level, it probably does!)

 

Meanwhile, your struggling learner is feeling frustrated and overwhelmed.  They assume they must be “dumb” because reading feels so much harder for them that it does for other kids.

 

In this moment, you find yourself at the kitchen table.  Yelling.  (again)  “You have to complete your reading worksheet!”

 

Your kid isn’t looking at you.  They’re mad.  They’re not talking to you and they’re certainly not doing the worksheet!

 

What’s going on?

According to Vibha Arora, of Woah to Wow parenting- a conscious parenting coach and a positive discipline coach, we need to start with a pause.  We need to start by stopping ourselves.  Walking away.  Taking a breath.  Our kid’s mirror neurons will have seen our frustration and are mirroring it.  So when we calm down, they will also be able to calm down.

 

Dealing with the Child’s issues

Our next step is to figure out WHY our child is refusing to do the assignment.  Is it too hard?  Uninteresting?  Are they just too hungry? Or did something totally unrelated upset them earlier in the day?

 

Vibha tells us that the upset child either has a lagging skill or a missing need.  Figuring out what that lagging skill or missing need is will allow us to problem solve with our child.  

 

One strategy that can be intrinsically motivating and can end power struggles is to offer limited choices, which supports autonomy.  Limited choices is exactly what it sounds like: choices given that are limited in scope.  Do you want to do your homework with a pen or a pencil?  Do you want to read at the table or on the couch? 

 

Limited choices takes away the choice about the required activity and place the choice in how that task might be accomplished.  Without limited choices, our kids hear, “Do your homework” and almost reflexively respond with, “no” because they haven’t heard a choice.  They make a choice for themselves.  Yes, I will do as I am told or no I will not.

 

Placing the task in the context of choice allows your child to still feel powerful and maintain their autonomy.  For some children, autonomy is extremely motivating.  It also builds self-esteem.

 

Dealing with Parent Triggers

Going back to the parent and child dynamic.  That parent is yelling at their kid because they are being triggered.  Vibha Arora’s background as a conscious parenting coach guides her response to the parent’s emotions.  That parent’s triggers usually stem from fears.  They might be afraid of judgement.  They might be afraid that their child won’t be successful.  The latter ultimately is the fear of your child ending up homeless in a gutter.

 

And while yelling won’t get our child to work and won’t make them “successful”, it is an automatic response in the moment.  

 

So what do we do instead?

 

We start by taking a break.  We “practice the pause,” as Vibha says.  We remember that it is not an emergency.  We step away, we take deep breaths.  We do the things that we teach children to do when they are upset.  

 

Vibha also encourages parents to focus on what really matters.  She tells parents, “remember who you are tucking in at night.”

 

That, my friend, is powerful.

 

Follow Vibha Arora: https://www.facebook.com/vibha.arora72

 

Contact Vibha Arora: https://www.vibha-arora.com/

Beginner’s Mindset

Beginners Mindset is a term that I either first heard in yoga or from Hunter Clark Fields, Mama Mindful Mentor (host of an excellent podcast, author of a great book, and founder of an wonderful parenting membership!)

 

If you’re not familiar with the term, it is about seeing something as if you’ve never seen it before.  It’s about doing things as if you’ve never done them before.  Looking to see what wonder and knew things you can see and learn.  

 

Today, I’m encouraging you to apply a Beginner’s Mindset to looking at your child.

 

Ask yourself:

• Who is this child of mine today?

• How do they learn best today?

• What environment is best suited to their learning today?

• What is most interesting to them today?

• What strengths are they demonstrating today?

• What skills are they focusing on today?

 

Keep in mind that the answers to these questions will often be the same day to day, but they will also change and taking the time to consider them occasionally helps us to better know our children.

 

As a bonus, I also encourage you to see the world with a beginner’s mindset, looking for wonder everywhere around you.  And I encourage you to take a beginner’s mindset to learning.  Look for a new skill you can learn, and model a love of learning, as mentioned in a previous episode.

 

Email me and tell me, who is your child today? Kimberlynn@DecodingLearningDifferences.com